cool_fire_00

October 10,2009
1:46 AM

Life is Hard...
Though I'm happy and thankful that I overcame different and major obstacles,
it's still somehow disappointing that up to now, I still don't have a clear vision in my direction in life...

and it's also disappointing if a friend said something which doesn't favor you...

but then, I'm thankful, because of her, I was challenged to do my best!

And now, my friend and I are decided, that together, we will fight over similar obstacles we're experiencing right now...

and we shall set a clear direction in life!

I never thought that self evaluation with a friend would be so ... fulfilling, calming, and somehow peaceful.

Well, I just pray to God that He may guide us well and help us reach our goal.

Recently, I came back to a government office to take care of something ...

and guess what, it never failed me in making me frustrated... AGAIN!

Gah~ Once again, I was disappointed for I never felt the spirit of service from the government employees...
from their unapproachable guard to the moody worker inside the office...

tsk tsk tsk...

what amazed me though ... was the guard in the Graduate School of my school...
she was really nice, since usually, when I ask stuffs from the guard, most of the guards (whether from mall or school or other establishments) answer me in a snobbish way... but the lady guard was really nice... she even smiles as she communicates with us. That really made me happy and made me respect and admire her!

I know she can't read this but I want to say to her, "KEEP IT UP!"

And ...

now...

I'm still at the peak of being obsessed on making Arashi icons...

As of now, I'm enjoying my free time...
but of course, it cannot be avoided that I get bored at times...

and at the same time, lately, I'm getting addicted in making icons...
I even wondered in the past, why fangirls enjoy making icons...
I never get it why they enjoy making fanarts in a 100x100 pixel sized limit.
And as I've tried it myself...
oh wow... it IS addicting!
(still don't get the part what makes it addicting though)

Of course... to eliminate boredom in my life, I decided to combine two of my addictions...

Arashi + Icon making ...











Of course, to my One True Pairing




YEAH~
only Arashi...
could still look good... even in a tiny 100 x 100 sized icons...

as expected...
arashi is simply amazing~

I bet the five of you don't expect that you'd last this long...
well...
CONGRATULATIONS!
you just did!
:)

Happy 10th Year to Arashi...
 10 years of Success...
    10 years of Inspiration...

Now that I was able to overcome another big obstacle in my life,
I am really thankful because I have this strength to make this possible...
and with the many people I want to show my gratitude to...
it cannot be avoided that I must thank Arashi too for helping me have this kind of strength...

Because from their songs, I was able to find courage, to be able to face this challenge with all my might.

TRANSLATIONS from arashilyrics.com/

Today, you run on the same street
looking for something within yourself.

Even in the raining morning or windy night,
you continue your dream.

There are moments you want to give up,
it's the same for everyone.

Everyday, you cannot rest or stop what you're doing.
While impatiently believing, you wait for tomorrow's dawn.

You cannot be a genius in a sudden.
Continuing forward, little by little let's go
(HERO)

To the limit of my strength.
My impatience will be my sustenance someday.
My pain will be my sustenance too.
The pain and impatience won't lose to the rain nor to the wind.
For the sake of this day.

I'll also hold a part of your hopes.
Climbing up and looking above.
Enduring the bitterness and the pain.
I paint myself showered with cheers.

Beyond the rain, beyond the wind, the journey continues.
Now, beyond you and beyond me, the path continues.

Beyond the rain, beyond the wind, there is a rainbow.
Now, beyond you and beyond me, something is waiting.
(Kaze no Mukou E/ Beyond the Wind)

Rather than grieving over the up coming wind,
if you imagine that things would go well, then a day of change would come.

Don't stop, don't stop, always believe in your feelings.
This flower bud doesn't have a name now, but this is the one and only Happiness.
(Happiness)

I do not only consider Arashi as an idol, who excels in dancing and singing...
but, for me, and I believe to most of us fans if not all, they serve as a living inspiration,
that by doing your best, by striving hard, by perseverance, by cooperation and teamwork, and by appreciating the people around you,
any difficult obstacle can be overcome and any dream could turn into reality.

To Arashi,
THANK YOU and CONGRATULATIONS on your 10th year!

Ever since, I don't make a big deal about my day of birth.
I just treat it like any other day, do the same old daily routines with the additional receiving greetings from emails and text messages in between.

Yet today,
it is different...


With the upcoming major licensure exam, I believe it cannot be helped but to feel helpless and scared and anxious.

How could I not get scared, the pressure is there... the anxiety of what will happen in the future is there...

Will I make it?
Can I make it?
What will happen to me if I don't?

And I thought that these past few days, it's impossible for me to celebrate my day of birth since I'd be too anxious for the exam but a friend of mine said before that it might be a blessing.

And now, as this day had come,
she was right.

Today is indeed a blessing.

Well, today is also ordinary, a day like any other day... but ... right at this moment,
it made me thankful that God allowed me to experience to enjoy and live life.

Today is plain and ordinary yet I still feel overjoyed ...
because the people around me made me feel that this day is special,
because the people around me appreciates the importance of this day, that's why I was able to appreciate this day as well.

Because these people believed in me,
because these people who always exert their time and effort to cheer and lift my spirit up,
and continuously support me and encourage me...
it's because of them that's why I'm thankful that I'm alive...

It's because of these great people who made an ordinary girl feel that she is special.

From the support of each of my loved one, it becomes the building block of my confidence that is needed to reach my goal.

To those people,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

And I pray to God that I could spend more of my birthdays with you.




THANK YOU!
Failing you will be the last thing that I would do that's why I shall do my best!
THANK YOU!

As of now, right at this moment...

I'm scared... nervous... anxious... how could I not be scared, when an upcoming major exam is fast approaching...

but then ... also right at this moment...

I feel envious ... of the fans who were able to watch Arashi's concert and who have the opportunity to be able to watch their concert now...

hmm...should I wish on my birthday candles to allow me to witness their concert this year even once?

and also at this moment...

I feel so happy and proud to be an Arashi fan ...

I was able to give chance for myself to be able to watch a video from a streaming site a news clip tackling about their concert and wow...
but I think what made me proud, aside from their very spectacular performances and stunts is that we (well I believe most of the fans who saw the clip and even those who were able to watch it live felt the same feeling with me) really felt how grateful they are to their fans and how happy they are that they are able to reach 10 years ...
together as a group... as a team... as friends... as brothers ...

Oh great...I'm supposed to be nervous but here I am but cannot help but to admire Arashi again in the middle of panic state...


Yeah, observe how these 5 guys evolved into 5 hot men ...




DISCLAIMER: Pic ... not mine.


...
ok, back to the real world now...

I, cool fire shall do my best once again...

Before I start again my day with serious stuffs...

I shall allow myself to take advantage of this short free time to ...

First of all,
Greet someone who celebrates his birthday today...

Nah, I don't know him personally, but since he's a part of my favorite group Arashi,
I want to greet him a Happy Happy Birthday!!

Because Arashi is not the same without this sadist hottie...




And of course...

I want to share my excitement ... since it's already September,

meaning...

another reason to celebrate...

because...

it's

Arashi's 10th year as a Arashi!




Celebrating Life is sure indeed a nice way to enjoy life

august 08 2009

Once again, I have no intentions of posting something here,
but... because of Arashi...
once again, I decided to write an entry dedicated to them (before I get lazy...)

A friend of mine informed me that they already gave a preview to their new song entitled

5X10

And if I interpret it correctly, the number 5 represents Arashi (being a group of 5) and the number 10 represents their years together as a group...
yes! you got that right, my fave group Arashi is already a decade old!
haha!

Last 2004, on their 5th year, Arashi composed a special song entitled Sketch dedicated on their 5th year together as a group,
and who would've thought that once again they will compose another special song for their 10th year...

What is so special about these two songs is that both of them were composed dedicated to their fans,
to show their gratitude and appreciation...

Yes, these two songs are songs of an idol's gratefulness towards their fans...

How could I forget this important detail!

That another reason why I love the group named Arashi is because they really appreciate their fans and it shows how they give importance to them...

No wonder us fans truly love them in return...




And thanks to these people for the effort to translate the songs and share it to other fans...

source:
http://www.crunchyroll.com/forumtopic-247212/lyrics-and-translations/

Sketch

(Take it)
First of all, we would like to say a big thank you
Everything started when we boarded that cruise ship*
It would have been atrocious to call us adults back then
Five years...it's not short at all

* Debut press conference, Hawaii (1999)

At first, we weren't that close
But rarely a day went by when we didn't see each other
So let's stay like this forever
We understand each other's feelings now

That's why outside stuff don't bother us
This is the place where we can shine
Our friends shouting this out loud, including you who's listening
It's gonna be alright

So just stick with us
Wipe your tears dry and come with us
Always and forever, I wanna be with you
Always and forever, we wanna be with you

The stars twinkling in the night sky
If they were you, they give us light and courage
We turn those into strength
And that's how we shine

That's right

That's right
Why don't you come a bit closer?
Even if only for today
Come close enough to feel our love

Verse 2

Aiba-chan: "Our dream of reaching the top --- let's definitely make it come true"*

* Letter to members, 24HOUR TELEVISION (2004)

Telling everyone what's up with volleyball*
Welcoming the millenium twice
Being deeply touched in the dead of night**
Greeting the runner at Budokan***

* Image characters, Volleyball World Cup (1999)
** Mayonaka no Arashi (2001-2002)
*** Sugita Kaoru, 24HOUR TELEVISION (2004)

Right now, we celebrate this moment with you
We promise to fight together until the very end
Yeah we're repeating ourselves, but we want to say a big thank you
To everyone who's been with us, we thank you

Without pausing to sleep, we talked 'til morning*
Finally we understood what "Arashi" was all about
So when that door opens, let's make a stir
We're definitely not stopping here**

* HERE WE GO! Tour (2002)
** "Pika**nchi Double" (2004)

You are my sunshine and
You are my soul soul*
We won't give up these feelings; no one can get in our way*
More than anyone else, it is we who love Arashi the best

* A.RA.SHI (1999)

Using colors that were blended with your love
We'll paint and draw the future
There, we'll be together with you
Our dreams will come true

So don't worry
See, just like it has always been
With your smile, brighten the path we're taking
Your pure words turn into love and shower upon us

Although we're always kidding around
We want to thank you properly
So let's paint what happens next

Aiba-chan: "I'm glad to be with Arashi"*

* Letter to members, 24HOUR TELEVISION (2004)

That's right
Why don't you come a bit closer?
Even if only for today (hello Arashi lovers, are u hearing this!?!?!)
Come close enough to feel our love

So don't worry
See, just like it has always been
With your smile, brighten the path we're taking

Big credit to: LazarusLong and Aramuro

source:
http://say-it-again.livejournal.com/75698.html?view=1703090#t1703090

5x10
出会って数年 あれは偶然
The years since we met was all a coincidence
泣きもするね 気付けば10年
We've even cried, by the time we noticed it's been 10 years

空に舞い上がっていく風船
The balloon that rises up into the sky
花奢な五人で乗り込む揺れる船
The swaying ship that we luxuriously boarded
ただ笑うとこ
Simply laughing
きっと夢が叶うとこ
For sure making dreams come true
そう言い聞かせてた頃、過去も
Yes, that period when we were told what to do, our past too
今胸にまとう
It's all stored away in our hearts

焦り 不安 憤り
Impatience, unease, resentment
ばっかなんか感じていた日々もあったな
There were days where we felt nothing but that too
でもあなたがいてくれたから
But because you were there for us
その笑顔暖かったから
Because those smiles brought us warmth
歩いて来れたんだね
We were able to get to this point
横に並び掴んだ手
Your hand that grasped ours at the sides
このすこした時間さえって　
This period of time that had passed with you
なんかね　今はまだただ照れるね
For some reason, we're still a bit shy

体に風を集めた僕ら支えきれない悲しみも　
The winds that gathered inside us, the sadness that we couldn't support too
あなたがいたから　笑顔にできた
It was because you were there that we were able to smile

無敵に奏でた　不協和音は　
The unrivaled dissonance that we used to play
いろんな世界を見てきたんだ
Saw all these different worlds
気がつけばいつの間にかそれが
By the time we noticed, somewhere along the way
もう 僕らになってた
That had already turned into us

本気で泣いて（すごした時間は沢山の愛の）
We genuinely cried (The time that had passed was full of love)
本気で笑って（言葉にしかもうほんとに何もないの）
We genuinely laughed (We really have nothing else left but words)
本気で悩んで（向かい起こせと再度）
We genuinely worried (Let's face forward once again)
本気で生きて（重ねた分のでっかい愛を）
We genuinely lived (With this large accumulated portion of love)
今がある　胸をはれる
And now, we can stand tall with pride

一歩一歩　近い道などないなら
One step at a time, if there are no roads close by
信じる道をいくしかないから
We can only take the road we believe in
もしもあなたが泣いたら
If you ever shed tears
ここでまた会おうよ　
We'll meet you here again
この愛変らずさ　奴らからただ愛を送る（Yeah）
This love will never change, we'll send you nothing but love (Yeah)
ともに望む未来という　for you（Yeah）
And wish for the future together, for you (Yeah)
先の山は風で超えれ　飛べる
Surpass the mountain ahead with the wind, fly
僕らの色で辺り染める
We'll dye the surroundings with our colours

一人ぽっちで覘いた空を
The sky that we gazed up at by ourselves
あなたも見ているのかな
Were you looking at it too?
なら歌うよ　空に向かって
Sing if you have then, face the sky
その力の限り
With everything you've got

本気で泣いて（すごした時間は沢山の愛の）
We genuinely cried (The time that had passed was full of love)
本気で笑って（言葉にしかもうほんとに何もないの）
We genuinely laughed (We really have nothing else left but words)
本気で悩んで（向かい起こせと再度）
We genuinely worried (Let's face forward once again)
本気で生きて（重ねた分のでっかい愛を）
We genuinely lived (With this large accumulated portion of love)
今がある　胸をはれる
And now, we can stand tall with pride

僕ら交わした声が消えないのならば
If our converged voices will not disappear
誓えるよ　この愛を　百年先も　
We'll make a vow then, no matter how many centuries pass
笑顔が咲いてますように
We'll make smiles blossom with this love

ずっとずっと心にあるんだ　
You've always, always been in our hearts
だからこそ伝えてみたいんだ
That's why we want to try conveying this
ありがとう
Thank you
これからも　ありがとう
From here on too, thank you

ここに立っている　僕たちが今　
The us that's standing here now
輝けるのは　君がいるから
are shining because of you

To have this kind of idols...
     I'm truly proud to say that I'm an Arashi fan!

Disclaimer: Arashi pictures are not mine (and I want to thank the kind Arashi fans who share Arashi pictures as well)

As of this moment, the whole Philippine nation is in the state of mourning since a great leader and role model of this nation passed away.

Honestly and personally, I have no idea how the former pres. Aquino was as a leader and a fighter against the dictator.
I was not able to experience the first People Power of 1986 since I was only born 2 years after and I was not able to witness her as the president of this country since I was only a baby/toddler and so when she was in that position.

I only got familiar by her when I see her in TV news especially when she's actively participating in different rallies and alike against corruption and other social issues.
And if I remember it right, she once (?!) visited my school back when I was still a Prep student (not sure, vague memory.)

And somehow, now that she's gone, I've asked myself and wondered, is she a great leader?
and that's when i start to recall... the continuous masses and prayers offered to her around the Philippines and even outside the country when the people found out that she's sick, and until her death how many people allotted their time just to be able to pay last respect to her, for the people to endure the weather, the long waiting of line just to be able to see her for the last time...
Honestly, if I'm not mistaken, this is the first time I encountered that the Filipinos felt that deep sorrow because of a loss of political leader, I was overwhelmed as I've witnessed how much the Filipinos loved and respected our former president.

Well, to be honest, it's sad for me to only realize now how much she was a loss to this nation.
And now I realized as well that I'm sort of taking for granted this freedom I have right now, not even realizing that I owe it to those two great Filipinos who sacrificed much just to be able to bring this democracy back in our country.

And now, so that what they've fought will not come to waste, I shall do my best, starting from the simplest of ways, to continue on what they are fighting for.

To be able to show my love for this nation is the least I could do to express my gratitude, to Mr and Mrs. Aquino as well as to the other heroes (living or dead, well-known or unsung) who fought for the Philippines and for the Filipinos.

(easier said and done but i hope as i read back my blog entries in the future, in case i forgot the statements i mentioned above but i hope i won't... as i encounter and read this again, that i may be reminded again to release the patriotism in me)

August 3, 2009
2:48AM

I've already posted numerous blog entries about why I like this one particular Arashi member so much...

well... today, right of this moment.. I've decided to add another entry  about my fave Arashi member...

why do I like him so much?

Hmm....

Maybe, it's because he still looks cute and hot at the same time even though he's just wearing some shorts and slippers (the typical pambahay look) while performing at their concert...

well, there is a long story behind why he ended wearing like that...but ... that's another story...

so...
my only point is that...

If you are one amazing person, you don't need to make an effort for yourself to stand out because through and through the inner you will be the one that will make you shine no matter how much you try to hide it... (yeah...i so totally believe that's ohno!)

I think I didn't made sense...
hope I could understand what I just said when I decided to read again this from the future...

Lately, being a person with no life...
I got myself overwhelmed by thinking random ideas and so...

and since I can't barely take it anymore...
I just decided to use livejournal...to let it out...

....
As I read about stuffs trying to recall the things i've learned way back...
there's this one common thing that I've observed...the things that i'm reading now...
are all.... tiny...little...minute creatures...
from the micrometer-sized pathogenic organisms to the microscopic cells...
i've asked myself, "how could this minute creatures be this complicated?!?!?!!?"
and with that...i was once reminded...
never underestimate the value and the power of small things...

....
I've never liked going to gov't offices... for some reason...it's a toxic and a very troublesome task to go there...more or less, you'd expect that
you'll more likely to have a bad day because of what you will experience as you go ...
well, from my experiences, there are many reasons why i never liked going to those places but the top reason why i hate it so much is that ...

Most (if not all) of the employees are rude... They don't smile, they answer you rudely or worse, scold you when you ask a question, they take an early lunch break and return late and stuffs like that. YES! Most of the philippine gov't offices employees are BULLY! (I'm really sorry to those employees who do their job well but you're outnumbered now by the bully ones)
Basically, in gov't offices, you don't feel the atmosphere of SERVICE. I think this is my number one reason why I hate it. And if in the future i'll be a taxpayer, i'll think i'll be more frustrated to see where my taxes are being spent...

Is it so much to ask if i simply want to borrow a little of your time to ask for directions?
Is it so much to ask if i simply ask what more requirement do i need to show or so?
Is it so much to ask if i simply ask for the employees to be a little more nicer to the people???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know i'm being too idealistic...maybe that's because it's this time around that i'm starting to explore new worlds which i never/ or seldom encounter before...

i guess i just have to say to myself, "learn to deal with it... but ... i strongly believe that this isn't right...so... how would i deal with it?!?!?!"

well...since i'm just a simple, jobless person who hasn't proven anything yet to the world...
I'll just deal with it by getting myself indulged in my own world...
(it's not like they'll listen to me or pay attention to me if i spoke out)
...to indulge in my world...
the world where i get to enjoy and forget my problems by being a fangirl...

Today is July 23, 2009, 1:36AM...
alone in this internet world but definitely not lonely...

to be honest, i have no intention of writing but...
actually...
i was amused by my friend and what she said...

as we bond and spend quality time together as arashi fangirls,
we are sharing and watching together some videos of arashi when she shared me this


after i finished watching it...
of course my oh so expected reply was, "ohno is surely amazing there, ne?"

and i loved how she replied to it,
it went something like this, "yes... singing is as easy as breathing for him"

haha!
actually, that's only the whole point of this blog...
(yes i know! i couldn't get any shallower than this, right?)

whoa! how talented this guy could get...

to have
...a great singing voice...
...an amazing dancing skills...
...an unexpected yet remarkable acting skills...
...an admirable one-of-a-kind works of art...

yet on top of all these...
he's the down-to-earth and simple guy who finds happiness in the simplest of things..

who ever thought that a person as cool as this exists?!?!?!




before i end this entry...
i just want to say...

OHNO BANZAI!!!

 

Haha!

No, Cjoy... this blog entry doesn't involve anything about your dear idol Ohno Satoshi... haha!

Gotcha!

Then, maybe you are wondering as you read over this again, why did I decide to write an entry...

it's because of me and my defective nose...and taste...

once again, my senses failed and lead me to eating expired foods ... AGAIN!!!!

yes, as you are reading this from the future,
you'll remember again this dreadful day that because of your gluttony, you decided to finish the oatmeal left at the dining table and only to find out later that it's already expired...
yes! you did smell something different but yet you decided to take a bite or two first before analyzing if it's still edible or not...

so... my dear Cjoy,
hope that this will serve as a lesson for you,

if it smells bad, don't eat it!
if you feel bad for the leftover food...
think about your health and the possible enterotoxin and other toxins you could possibly get from spoiled foods...
ok?

anyways,

(to make this entry coherent with the title... I knew it! you can't leave your entry without a touch of your fangirlism in it!)



I accidentally saw this in another blog ... on another Arashi fangirl's blog to be exact, I think... haha!

And I never knew that such toys are sold in Japan...
until I saw this...
and... now...
I definitely want this!!!!

Seriously! I want this toy!!! Especially that ... that... the one in the formal outfit holding a briefcase!!!


anyways,
if you are a passerby who accidentally read my blog,
those toys were based from the lead characters in a japanese drama entitled Maou.

Maou is a remake of a korean drama entitled Lucifer and this remake were lead by Ohno Satoshi and Ikuta Toma...
(it's a good drama, try to watch it!)

This is late but...still... I want to greet this young boy (yes! he's a HE! too pretty to be a boy ne?)
A Happy Happy Birthday!

Nino is such a bratty, doS cheapskate...but without such traits, that would not be Nino...so to the one and only Arashi's forever 17 looking Ninomiya Kazunari, Happy Birthday!


PS.
actually, today's my mom's bday!
hahahaha!
i'm not sure how old is she now but i bet she doesn't want me to know!
haha!

KUMORI NOCHI, KAISEI
(There'll Be Fine Weather After The Clouds)

Translation from: kiwi-musume.com

Dan dan dang! Turn this day that’s just passing by before your eyes
Dan dan dang! Into the day you imagined

Dragging my tired body home the same way as usual
Though I still believe those words that someone said to me one day

When you run away, saying “It’s not supposed to be like this”
Fill those words with the colours of the hope you felt that day

Stomp your feet!
Dan dan dang! Turn this day that’s just passing by before your eyes
Dan dan dang! Into the day you imagined
Yeah, one step can change the whole scenery around you
Lan lan lang! Happiness is surely right here in my hands

All kinds of people ask me all kinds of things
But what’s right and what’s wrong surely depends on the person

When your heart longs to give up
Make it hear the sound of a hope that will never waver

Clap your hands!
Pan pan pang! My days are still full of regrets
Pan pan pang! But I’ll muddle through them, no matter how clumsily
Yeah, the winds of change are sure to blow tomorrow
Lan lan lang! Happiness is surely right here in my hands

Ride on time somewhere in this ever-repeating history
Look to the future that’s spreading out before you, dan dan dang!

Clap your hands!
Pan pan pang! My days are still full of regrets
Pan pan pang! But I’ll muddle through them, no matter how clumsily
Yeah, the winds of change are sure to blow tomorrow

Stomp your feet!
Dan dan dang! Turn this day that’s just passing by before your eyes
Dan dan dang! Into the day you imagined
Yeah, one step can change the whole scenery around you
Lan lan lang! Happiness is surely right here in my hands

Ride on time somewhere in this ever-repeating history
Look to the future that’s spreading out before you, dan dan dang!

This is one of my favorite Arashi songs, not only it was sung by my favorite member, Ohno Satoshi,
I liked it because of it's catchy melody and it's inspiring lyrics...

It's because these days that I find myself struggling towards my dream...
Still confused, lost ...and clueless on my direction towards my future...

And thanks to this song,
that I am on the process of doing my best,
and not to be easily discouraged.

To continue on what I've started,
and to find strength by my loved ones' word of encouragement.

I, cool_fire ...
will ... ... ... continue to do my best, no matter how difficult the challenges maybe...
because... after the cloudy sky, the fine weather will surely come!






DISCLAIMER: pic is not mine... but the boy is my property!! bwahahahaha! -->Kidding :p

I feel uncomfortable...

I feel awkward...

it's as if...there's something wrong...

i'm not sure...if the cause is external...or ...

Do I have issues?

but ...

it's really bothering me...

how i wish this feeling would go away...

April 27, 2009
Mall of Asia
Timezone - Musiczone

Yakult gang... bonded together... for the first time...

well, they usually bond at crunchyroll but... of course it's really different if you would meet those people and

bond with them and laugh with them ...

anyways,

the reason why we stayed at musiczone...

How should I start this...

Let's start by allowing me to share this, it's just funny, during recollection and retreats, the activity I hate to do most is journal writing...or anything that involves writing... I'm too lazy to write the things I reflect, I'm too lazy to check the grammar, spelling and content...

Maybe because of being conscious that someone could read my work and find it worthless, because I'm not born with the gift of creative writing... maybe because of those reasons why I don't like writing...

but for now, I'll set my pride aside...

and I hope you won't be bothered much by my typo errors because for now, I want to focus on the things I want to share, the things that I've reflected then and now...

     My college life, I guess for most of us as well, was one of the toughest and one of the rockiest road I've ever encountered in my map of life. It was never easy to finish a course especially if you're not interested in it. It's difficult to motivate and encourage yourself to do your best if you feel like giving up and if you don't know the reason for motivation in the first place. Basically, it's difficult to live a life if you are just dependent on yourself.

     I believe, that is one of my weak points, I'm arrogant in a way that as much as possible, I'm dependent on myself. I do things on my own and in my own way.

    But when I started college, I realized that staying that way won't work. I'm not sure when but perhaps it all started when I'm starting to lose confidence on my first year because I know that in my class, majority of them graduated with honors when they were highschool. I was unsure if I could keep up with my blockmate's diligence and if I could keep up with our teacher's expectations (since their mind was set that most in my class are honor students before). For an ordinary student like me, it was a major pressure with a capital M.
 
     Looking back at this situation, I am now somehow thankful that I've experienced this because if it wasn't for this, I won't realize my real hero in my chaotic life.

     I'm not sure but for now, I'm thinking that it was my mom who told me this, that prayers are really helpful in whatever situation you are in. That's why one time, maybe that was before a quiz or exam, I tried praying silently that may God help me to pass the exam. I'm not sure exactly when was the first time I did that but all I know is that I know he granted my request because after that, I always ask the same prayer before exam or any before activity that we are about to do. With my effort and God's prayer, I can say that it was my secret for passing successfully my first few stays in college. 

     But it wasn't always like that, of course, as time goes and as we level up, the challenges gets tougher and more complicated. In my later stay in college, I really had a hard time, though how I think I've exerted enough effort and though how much I pray hard, it seems like God decided to take a break from listening to my prayers and the once somehow smooth journey turned into a journey full of humps and bumps. 

     That really made me down but I guess now, looking back at it, God pretended to be deaf that time because He wants to tell me that I'm not really alone, well, I'm not really sure, that was just my opinion because back then when my parents realized that school pressure was getting me down, they helped me and assured me that I could overcome all this. Up to my internship, more and more people became my source of inspiration to make me finish what I've started, my family, my friends, my japanese idol and my co fangirls... God used them to make me realize that I was never alone in my journey.

     And with that realization, I therefore concluded that God was with me all this time in my journey...

And while thinking back with those experiences and struggles I had, I even plan to write a story about it (would someone bother to read it?) and one reason, for once is that I want to be the lead character in a story. But I realized, even if I write my own story, the real hero of my story is God...

Do I need to explain further why I've said that?

But I'm really happy and thankful, with the millions, billions of people in this planet, God doesn't forget to listen to a prayer whispered by a stubborn, imperfect girl.
But I'm not sure, maybe He's more pleased if i run more to him often than not at all, ne? What do you think?

At present, I'm still the same arrogant girl before but now, I'm on the process of trying to improve myself for other's sake. (HeHe.)

With that, I want to end this journal by saying...

Lord, thank you very much ... for everything ...